Evil Thoughts About Spaying

My writing workshop tutor keeps calling me Francesca.  I take this as a compliment, even though Francesca is a dark, deluded, dangerous woman.  Francesca is also the main character of my novel.

I’m a nice person.  I have friends.  I guard their secrets.  I offer support and encouragement and empathy.  I eat muffins.  So why does my tutor confuse me with Francesca?  Does she perhaps sense something of Francesca’s darkness in me?

The other day I took my dog to the vet to be spayed (Francesca does have a dog, but that’s not the point).  Lips quivered and eyes watered when I told everyone about it.  I found this hard to fathom.   Okay, so she was about to be sliced open and emptied of her womanly jewels, but as far as I was concerned this would result in a nice docile creature for a few days instead of a jumping lunatic, and no obligatory two-hour daily walks.  In other words, lots more writing time.

I did feel a pang of love and sympathy when I handed her over, trembling, to the nurse.  But then I went home and got lost in my writing (aka tweeting).

What, then, was my first thought when the vet rang to say he couldn’t operate because he’d detected a heart murmur?  Did I say to myself, oh my poor baby has a dickey heart; I’m so glad they didn’t go ahead and operate?  Well, that thought did come, in time.  But my first thought was, the thoughtless hound;  now I’ve got to close down Twitter, drive back and collect her, book an appointment for a heart scan AND take her on a two-hour walk.

Perhaps I shouldn’t feel guilty about this.  She is, after all, just a dog.  But what if she were a person?  What if she were my friend, my partner, my mother, or my child?

Through Francesca I can pursue such thoughts to their extreme.  The similarity between us is that we both have them.  The difference is that she honestly doesn’t see that they’re a problem.

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5 Responses to Evil Thoughts About Spaying

  1. Meg says:

    1. I love your blog layout! That header is perfect! Yay, excited for more posts.

    2. It’s hilarious that she kept calling you Francesca. Best ever. Personally I’m secretly terrified that you’re going to show up at my doorstep and try to force-feed me offal, but that’s just a beautiful dark part of yourself that you should embrace. What if, while writing your novel, you BECAME Francesca? It’d be like a weird Black Swan-style psychological thriller, but in REAL LIFE. I’ll write the novel of you writing your novel and we can become millionaires!

    3. Your poor dog, I hope she’s gonna be okay!

  2. claudia says:

    Thanks Meg. I’m totally on board for the bestseller idea. I’ll be round tomorrow with some tripe and sweetmeat.

  3. claudia says:

    Oh and by the way, the dog turned out to be just fine x

  4. Sarah says:

    Your dark side is really going to show now, isn’t it? You know what Darth said, “Choose the dark side, Luke…. Ahem, I mean Francesca!”

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